Sunday, November 4, 2012

Baptism by fire

OK so I haven't been riding much at all - like once a week.  And the rides that I have done have been short.  Truth be told I've been out fly fishing too much and my riding has been suffering.  Ah yes, Fishing - the eternal pursuit of total slackers - has torn another fine upstanding young man away from all the glitz, fame, and glory of riding a bike in the snow to mediocre at best finishes in obscure winter crazy-races.  But the fishing season closes on the 15th and so I'll be doing something productive with my time now.

Anyway, I haven't been riding much and so of course I thought it would be a good idea to do a nice, hard 4 hour ride.  Whoa.  I felt pretty decent at first but when I rode into our yard at the end of the ride my legs felt kinda like they were made of the stuff that you scrape out of that thing on the sink drain that traps the nasty stuff before it goes down the drain.  Or this.  Or maybe another good analogy is that they felt like it sounds when Ross plays the bagpipes.

Naturally thinking of disgusting stuff reminds me of the cafeteria back in high school and college.  Almost everything was gross (except the McRib sandwich [which, in that clever way of teenagers everywhere, we dubbed the McRubber after its flavor and consistency.  And speaking of clever nicknames, the cafeteria at college was named DeBot.  I once heard it referred to as DeBotulism]).  As an aspiring strapping young lad with a ridiculous appetite I couldn't just not eat.  So I put salt on everything in order to make it taste OK enough to actually put it into my mouth, chew it quick, and swallow it.  Mercifully there are no taste buds in your throught.  It was at this time I learned that if you put salt on Jell-O it melts.  Although I have a great respect for most high school teachers and I'm sure I learned a bunch while I was there, the self-discovered secret to liquifying Jell-O still is one thing that comes readily to mind as something I learned in High School.  I hope to pass it on to my stepson someday when he's ready.

Deep fried Jell-O?  Yes.   (Emeril would be rolling over in his grave if he were dead) "You’ll never be able to get deep fried Jell-O anywhere else," said Jon Searle, who will be serving this decidedly Utah treat at the 2012 Utah State Fair.  Yeah, you'll never be able to get it anywhere else because it's a terrible idea and won't catch on.  After all, how hard is it to deep-fry something?  People won't do it because they don't want to not because they can't.  (Now that I've said that it won't catch on it probably will...we should all buy stock a corporation deep-frying Jell-O.  Mitt Romney probably already owns a bunch.  Those in the know probably bought stock years ago)

All this talk of deep-frying stuff kinda reminds me of the time in college when we deep-fried a Snickers bar just to see how it would taste.  We had made some deep-fried chicken and had put spices in it that were meant to make the chicken taste better.  Being frugal college types we saved the oil to use for next time we had chicken.  Well you can see where this is going.  We used the chicken-spiced oil to fry our Snickers bar and it tasted like Lawrey's seasoned salt.  It probably would have been fine it I had thought to put regular salt on it - but this food didn't originate from DeBotulism and so I wasn't on my guard.

I could probably write a whole blog entry just listing the weird (and stuff that looks like shit) stuff I've eaten.

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